Playing the part of Point in this exercise will be me. Playing the part of Counter-point will be my imaginary friend who we’ll call Teve Tobs. Let’s begin.

ME: Ok, Teve, first category: Software. PC’s have like a million different software choices.

TEVE TOBS: Most of which are useless in everyday life. Apple focuses on those programs that make your iLife better, fuller.

ME: Whatever…PC’s have the greatest office software of all time - Microsoft Office.

TEVE: You’ve been able to get Office on Macs since 2000.

ME: Yea, but running Office on a Mac is like going to a Justin Timberlake concert…even if it IS a lot of fun, it just doesn’t FEEL right.

TEVE: Justin feels just fine to me-can you say multi-platinum?  How about the next category: ACCESSORIES! Mac users get to use all kinds of iProducts: iCameras, iPods, and now the iPhone.

ME: Ok, you got me there, but I still say the iPhone is just an overpriced iPod with a wanna-be phone and not near enough memory.  And everybody knows it’s not going to be fully functional till the next generation. And it can’t even run Java! I got better ways to spend six THOUSAND bucks.

TEVE: Six HUNDRED. Java - that some kind of geeky coffee reference?

ME: (getting a bit frustrated) Moving on. Next category: CEO’s. Bill Gates quit college to become one of the richest men in the world giving millions of dollars to charities, including feeding children in Africa.

TEVE: Last time I checked, Bill lived in a billion dollar house with a heated driveway so it’s not like he’s sacrificing much-besides, I am MUCH better looking….Next category: street cred. Every creative person I know uses a Mac. Web designers, movie-makers, artists - they’re all Mackies and they all have good reason to be.

ME: Come on, dude, I’m rockin’ Linux and Firefox, I’m processing with an Intel Core 2 Extreme, GeForce 9800 GTX video, and an AMD motherboard, all housed in an Alienware tower. That’s street cred.

TEVE: I don’t even know what you just said.

ME: That’s what you get for making a computer based on pretty pictures.

TEVE: I like my pretty pictures. And I’m starting to not like you.

ME: The funny thing is that Mac users pride themselves on NOT being like everybody else, but by using a Mac, they’re saying, “I want to be like everybody else who doesn’t want to be like everybody else.”

TEVE: Hold on, PC boy.  Mac users don’t care about everybody else. Only other Mac users.

ME: They’re snobs.

TEVE: They’re just picky about lots of things….like people.

ME: (more irritated) I like to call this next category “If they were: the 80’s edition.” If computers were 80’s sitcoms, PC’s would be Cheers and Macs would be Perfect Strangers.

TEVE: Perfect.  Because every time I use a PC it drives me to drink. If computers were 80’s hair bands, Macs would be Def Leopard and PC’s would be Spinal Tap.

ME: Oh, yeah!  I KNOW Bill Gates turns it up to 11! If computers were 80’s Christian rockers, PC’s would be Michael W. Smith and Macs would be Mark Lowry.

TEVE: Michael is cute and all but Mark seems like a lot more fun.

ME: You don’t know Michael W.

TEVE: (looks at me and shakes his head) Like you do!  Ok, I’ll take “vulnerable to viruses” for 1000, Alex.

ME: I got your virus right here, Mr. Tobs.

TEVE: What does that even mean?

ME: Fine. Next category: how pretentious are the people who buy Macs?

TEVE: O snap. Don’t go there.

ME: Mackies like to tell you that they like Macs because they’re more functional…they don’t have viruses, they don’t ever crash, blah, blah, blah, but when I see someone with that goofy Apple-with-a-bite-out-of-it sticker on the back of their car, it’s hard to take them seriously.

TEVE: You know who does take them seriously? Wall Street.

ME: It’s not like they are saying, (using my best geek voice)

‘Hey! I like Macs because they have a more stable operating platform because of the proprietary nature of the manufacturing process.”

NO! They’re saying,

‘Hey, look at ME: I’m a Mactastic half-eaten piece of fruit!”

TEVE: Are you calling my Mackies fruity? Dude, I’m starting to think you’re a little bitter. Are we tapping into deeper emotional issues here?

ME: Ok, moving on. Who’s got the better adjectives derived from their names?

TEVE: Mactastic.

ME: You stole that from me! PC-riffic.

TEVE: Most of my best ideas are “borrowed.” Mactacular.

ME: PC-palooza.

TEVE: That’s not an adjective.

ME: PC-paloozic. Paloozish? Paloozic-ee? PC-paloozictastic.

TEVE: Mactabulous.

ME: I’ll give you that round. But here’s the biggie: cost. For the same cost as Mac’s newest MacBook Pro, I could buy a car, a jet ski, a new guitar, the entire Michael W. Smith catalog, or a used RV.

TEVE: But by the time you buy the PC laptop, the extra software you’re going to need, the extra battery, the camera, and the 3 extra copies of Windows you’re going to need to reinstall after your hard drive gets wiped out by the Roto-Virus, you’re pretty much coming out even.

ME: You suck. And NOT in a good way.

AND….SCENE.