The Sub.Standard

American Idol Recap 04/08: Are you not inspired?

As with the performances the night before Idol Gives Back last year, this season again gives us “Inspirational” song selections from the eager eight. I wasn’t necessarily inspired to do anything by any of the songs or performances, but tomorrow night is when we’re really supposed to be inspired, so I guess it’s all good.

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Our judges are all present and accounted for, some in body only (and by “body only” I mean, Great Googly Moogly, Paula. I’m a girl and even I can’t avert my gaze from the platter o’ boobies you’re displaying for all in a three mile radius to see). Randy and Simon are on par with their normal wardrobes and Paula is going to be very late for her prom and/or Oscar party complete with the overindulgence of pre-party “refreshments.”

Prepare to be Inspired!

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American Idol Top 10 - What? No “Opposites Attract”?

This week we’re treated to Songs From the Year They Were Born.  Paula is blessing us with an outfit someone probably threw away from the year I was born and Seacrest’s hair has finally reached Jimmy Neutron proportions.

People born in years I actually have vivid memories of: pretty much everyone who isn’t Michael Johns.  I didn’t realize just how young of a group we have this season until they started listing their actual birth dates and I was able to recall what I was doing that year and it didn’t involve Fisher Price or diapers.

Was no one born in 1989?  I would give my signed Death of Superman poster to hear “Opposites Attract.”  Bring on MC Skat Kat!

This week we’re again given some rather lackluster performances with Ramiele and Jacuzzi.

Ramiele seems to be stuck in some sort of AI superfan syndrome where she tries to repeat past stellar Idol performances.  She’s done “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me,” “Against All Odds,” and now “Alone” - all songs done in the past to rave reviews, but in Ramiele’s case, especially with “Alone” she’s proved it takes more than a good voice to pull off a big song.  I kept thinking, “If Ann Wilson were here, she’d eat you alive…not only because she’s superior in talent, but because you are small and she likes to eat.”  Yes, that’s a fat joke.  Fat people are allowed to make fun of other fat people.  It’s all part of the wonderful double standard of internet humor.  We still love them just how they are, though.

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The Beatles: Part Deux — Top 11 Performers

Yoko Ono can no longer be blamed for “ruining” the Beatles.

Slow clap to you American Idol for that honor as this week we have the most decidedly awkward and random set of performances since the show’s inception some 7 seasons ago.  From gimmicks and pseudo-drunken dancing to hooterific dresses and sass talking to the judges, it may have disappointed in regards to talent, but not in entertainment.  Let the circus begin!

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