The Sub.Standard

Idol Elimination 4/17: Too many Cooks in the Kitchen

Curse you,  Seacrest! I’ve been patiently waiting to use that tag line for 4 weeks and you just had to use it before me.

Idol lost the last of its dead weight tonight with the elimination of Kristy Lee Cook, the unofficial ambassador of the country vote.

On the menu tonight, as usual, were the judges, contestants being emotional (for both legitimate and ridiculous reasons), and both a past contestant and mentor performance.

Of Note in This Elimination:

Paula makes a statement to the scientific and horticultural communities this week with a huge white flower growing out of her neck. That statement? Flowers can grow, and actually flourish, with the aid of an alcoholic and chemical environment.

The final 7’s group sing was the Mariah/Boyz to Men hit “One Sweet Day.” I wonder how many people, if any, will be as “offended” by the song choice as they were last week with the group singing “Shout to the Lord.” In the double standard against Christians, it seems you can sing a secular song that specifically mentions “heaven” and implies that it’s real and will be a place where we’ll see our loved ones again (something based on Biblical principles).

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American Idol recap 4/15: Idol gets Mariah Carey-ed away

Mariah Carey-ed away. See what I did there?

Mariah CareyI have to admit, I went into tonight’s Top 7 Mariah Carey-infused episode fully expecting a suckfest. We’ve had some great examples this season of how bad things can go when song choices don’t work out, and I have always found Mariah to be a little too cliche for my (distinguished, I don’t care if I DO like Rock of Love a little too much) tastes. But thanks to some pretty-dang-solid performances, it was a good night, and definitely interesting. Here’s how it wizent dizown:

First off, David Archuletta again makes a curious song selection. It’s “When You Believe,” which is off of the (actually pretty outstanding) Prince of Egypt soundtrack. Lil’ Archuletta again goes with a religious theme, which is sure to fuel the “David Archuletta is a Christian” rumors (there’s also a “David Archuletta is a Mormon” rumor, although I haven’t seen any actual evidence to confirm either of those, although he IS from Utah…).

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American Idol Recap 04/08: Are you not inspired?

As with the performances the night before Idol Gives Back last year, this season again gives us “Inspirational” song selections from the eager eight. I wasn’t necessarily inspired to do anything by any of the songs or performances, but tomorrow night is when we’re really supposed to be inspired, so I guess it’s all good.

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Our judges are all present and accounted for, some in body only (and by “body only” I mean, Great Googly Moogly, Paula. I’m a girl and even I can’t avert my gaze from the platter o’ boobies you’re displaying for all in a three mile radius to see). Randy and Simon are on par with their normal wardrobes and Paula is going to be very late for her prom and/or Oscar party complete with the overindulgence of pre-party “refreshments.”

Prepare to be Inspired!

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American Idol recap 4/1 - Yeehaw, it’s Dolly night!

Yeehaw, It’s Dolly Parton week on Idol. Dolly, who’s practically my next-door-neighbor, has an amazing catalogue that gives us one of the best all-around nights of the season. It’s interesting to compare how well the contestants handled Dolly’s tunes with the horrific Beatles train wrecks.

Brooke White American IdolWe start off this week with Brooke White and “Jolene.” It’s a nice start to the evening, as once again Brooke has picked a song that her sultritude (NAW) can shine on. Aside from one jerky, somewhat awkward number, of all the contestants Brooke has been the most reliable. Her stylist should get some kudos, ‘cause she’s managed to transform her from frumpy, Mary Poppins wannabe to frumpy hot rock star. Randy says it was alright. Paula rambles about something-something….consistent…emotional connection…something-something…you are Brooke White. Simon totally disagrees with Paula (apparently he speaks Paulanese), and thinks she was lacking emotion, and then says the violin player was weird.

American Idol David CookDavid Cook does “Little Sparrow”, which is not one of the Boobied One’s biggest hits, but once again he rocks it.

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American Idol Top 10 - What? No “Opposites Attract”?

This week we’re treated to Songs From the Year They Were Born.  Paula is blessing us with an outfit someone probably threw away from the year I was born and Seacrest’s hair has finally reached Jimmy Neutron proportions.

People born in years I actually have vivid memories of: pretty much everyone who isn’t Michael Johns.  I didn’t realize just how young of a group we have this season until they started listing their actual birth dates and I was able to recall what I was doing that year and it didn’t involve Fisher Price or diapers.

Was no one born in 1989?  I would give my signed Death of Superman poster to hear “Opposites Attract.”  Bring on MC Skat Kat!

This week we’re again given some rather lackluster performances with Ramiele and Jacuzzi.

Ramiele seems to be stuck in some sort of AI superfan syndrome where she tries to repeat past stellar Idol performances.  She’s done “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me,” “Against All Odds,” and now “Alone” - all songs done in the past to rave reviews, but in Ramiele’s case, especially with “Alone” she’s proved it takes more than a good voice to pull off a big song.  I kept thinking, “If Ann Wilson were here, she’d eat you alive…not only because she’s superior in talent, but because you are small and she likes to eat.”  Yes, that’s a fat joke.  Fat people are allowed to make fun of other fat people.  It’s all part of the wonderful double standard of internet humor.  We still love them just how they are, though.

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